The Queen’s Speech
Sometimes, one cannot help but feel sorry for our Queen. She has to put on a heavy metal hat covered in bling, get togged up in fancy dress and then walk up some steps (what’s wrong with a Stannah Lift), sit on a very uncomfortable looking chair and then read a load of drivel written for her by a Downing Street focus group, handed to her by the Lord Chancellor, wearing a rather fetching off the shoulder black and gold number……(Michael Gove has never looked lovelier).
Prisons, driverless cars and a spaceport were read out in the manner of an undertaker reciting from the the Book of the Dead.
it was not QE2’s fault – after all she is constitutionally obliged to read whatever nonsense the government of the day puts in front of her.
A spaceport is probably very appropriate for this government as it is mostly populated by space cadets and robots….but as the economy appears to be sliding towards the U-bend, it would have been reassuring to hear at least something about the economy. Unfortunately, it appears that Chancellor Gideon has finally admitted that he is a mere observer rather than a shaper of events – just like the Bank of England.
There is very little doubt that QE2 would have been much happier with her feet up, watching Loose Women or Bargain Hunt, rather than have been embarrassed by the unmitigated bollocks masquerading as some sort of government ‘plan’ that she had to recite.
“The Mess we were left……..” Yawn!
Several months ago, I wrote about the strange new exhortary but meaningless style of oratory designed in the 1960s by the Soviets for use by their shiny-suited Party apparatchiks. It expresses no commitment or intent but cleverly disguises non-commital nonsense as both achievement and the promise of future achievement. SEE HERE.
Eventually, this hortatory nonsense was seized-upon by Eurowonks and has now been in European Union use by Brussels Commissars for a few years.
It has now been adopted by our own David Cameron!
In its simplest form it is the art of saying “We MUST” and never “We WILL”
As an example, here’s an extract from the last week’s Queens Speech Debate:
DAVID CAMERON: “That is what this Queen’s Speech is all about: rising to the challenge of preparing this country for the future. We are in a global race and the way we will win is by backing families who want to work hard and do the right thing. To do that, we must get the deficit down, not build up ever more debts for our children. We must restore our competitiveness so that British businesses can take on the world. We must reform welfare and pensions so it pays to work and pays to save, and we must reform our immigration system so we attract people who will benefit this country, and we clear up the mess we were left by the Labour party.”
Neither he nor Chancellor Gideon have ever said “We WILL get the deficit down”, “We WILL restore our competitiveness” etc…..and notice the standard government cliché which ends so many of the Coalition’s sentences these days! (underlined above).
Two minutes and three paragraphs later in the same speech, the Prime Minister delivers a variant:
DAVID CAMERON: “We need to get the deficit down, so we will complete a spending review by the end of June. We will legislate to abolish needless bureaucracy such as the Audit Commission. We will pass laws to raise revenue by stopping tax abuse. We need to restore our competitiveness…………”
The only times when definite intent is expressed is also demonstrated above: “We WILL complete a spending review,” and “We WILL legislate”.
Legislation is what a government DOES! Overused Reviews, Inquiries and Commissions are all substitutes for proper decision-making. They are this government’s 9ct hallmark and will be their legacy.
Must try harder.
Ed “Seagull” Miliband’s Speech
There will be many analyses of Ed Miliband’s speech to the Labour faithful in Manchester. This is the only analysis which you will need. It is the speech “Worldcloud”.
Macro-message (from Wordcloud):
” New Generation Must Change Country. “
Now you know what was on his mind.
No surprises. He disagreed with some things that he had previously agreed with and vice versa.
The delivery was more Aldi than Audi and the speech was a triumph of Cut over Paste delivered to an audience which had nothing left but faith.
Anyone who flies in, creates a lot of noise and disturbance, eats the food, shits on his brother and then flies off again, deserves to be called “Seagull”.
(Thanks to SP Bain for the WORDCLOUD)